I love ice cream. More specifically, Ben and Jerry’s.
But, those old hippie-Vermonters are a bit behind the times these days. They have yet to produce a low-calorie version of their ice cream.
When it comes to low-calorie ice cream, until last year, I had two choices. I could either choose:
A) One of Ben and Jerry’s Fro-Yo flavors
B) Eat shitty flavored cardboard. aka Arctic Zero
B&J’s Fro-Yo is tasty. But sometimes, I want more than the two flavors I can find at my grocery store.
Arctic Zero on the other hand? I’d rather eat a sweaty shoe dipped in cat shit than ever try that abominable attempt of “ice cream” ever again.
Sure, 2016 killed Prince. And Bowie. And Gene Wilder. But there was one silver lining to the dismal year that was two thousand and sixteen: a high-protein, low-calorie ice cream that tasted like, oh-my-fucking-God, actual ice cream, hit the market.
A heavenly concoction that’s:
- And free of no synthetic hormones
[A recipe mind you that alchemists have been trying for millennia to perfect; no, they were never trying to turn lead into gold, alchemists wanted low-calorie ice cream. And this, once seemingly unattainable dream, is now a reality.]
Oh, and unlike some “other” competitors, Halo Top ice cream is freakin’ delicious. In case you haven’t gathered that thus far.
Here’s why Halo Top is 1000% amazing.
We all know the unspoken rule when it comes to a pint of ice cream:
You throw away the lid and eat the entire pint. There’s no saving it for later. All of it must be consumed.
Now. Typically, unless you opt for the Fro-Yo versions of ice cream (or weep your way through a pint of Arctic Zero; don’t say I didn’t warn you), a pint of ice cream can range from 800-1300 calories. Which for some people, could be 50-80% of their daily calorie intake.
And if you’re counting macros, you’re gonna have to spend the rest of the day eating tilapia and veggies. I’ve done it. Not impossible, but not super enjoyable either.
Halo Top ice cream, though, ranges from 240-360 calories. IN AN ENTIRE PINT.
But more importantly, each pint comes packed with 24g of protein. So yea, that post workout shake you consume is about to be replaced. By ice cream.
Initially, Halo Top offered seven flavors:
- Vanilla Bean
- Birthday Cake
- Mint Chip
- Chocolate Mocha Chip
- Lemon Cake
In October of 2016, Halo Top added ten more flavors. And this time, they brought the funk.
And since I’ve now tasted more than twelve of their available flavors (one of which I will never try because mint ice cream is disgusting; sorry, not sorry) I’m now the leading expert on everything Halo Top. And as the leading expert in this field, I felt compelled to share with you the five best flavors that will make sweet love to your taste buds
5. Oatmeal Cookie
I’m a weirdo who likes oatmeal raisin cookies more than chocolate chips. (come at me, bro)
There’s an amazing balance here of enough pistachio for the name to fit, and enough ice cream to make it not feel like you’re eating a handful of nuts.
3. Birthday Cake
Um, because, it feels like your birthday when you eat it, duh.
2. Sea Salt Caramel
Mmmm caramel. The end
1. Red Velvet
Hey, I’m a Southern boy at heart and this tastes (sorry grandma) better than grandma’s red velvet cake.
Smores and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Though I will be honest, since Cookie Dough is my favorite ice cream flavor of all time, it only made this list because of that.
It’s not bad per say. But they could add a lot more dough, and it would be phenomenal. That goes for every cookie dough ice cream on the market: get rid of the chocolate chips and give us more dough.
How to Put It in Yo’ Mouth
Sadly, not every grocery store carries Halo Top. But they have a tool on their website that allows you to search the nearest establishment that carries this delightful dessert.
Find the nearest store to you and grab a pint today; and if you hate it, or think I’m crazy, feel free to Tweet mean things to me. (That’s pretty much what Twitter is these days, anyways.)